Blog & Disorder: Episode 1

In this blogging family, Autism Spectrum Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder are especially pervasive.

These are our stories.

Duh DUN!

EPISODE 1: THE CHEESEBURGER

The scene opens to a family of four sitting down at a table with a bag of McDonald’s take-out on it. Characters talk over each other, as food distribution begins.

9 Year Old: AHHhhhwhaaaaAAAuhhhhh! No! Something wrong!

The mother and father lock eyes and freeze in horrified recollection. The scene turns to black and white, as they remember…

…a snippet of a plate of food smashing to the floor.

…a snippet of the parents speaking in low tones over a boiling pot of pasta:
Mother: “He won’t eat this. I don’t know why I bother.”
Father: “We’ve just got to keep trying. My mother says every kid goes through this.”

…a snippet of a toddler looking at his plate and shouting, “No!”

…a snippet of a medical office. The camera pans across the words “Feeding Therapist” on the door before focusing on the back of the parents listening to a medical professional seated behind the desk.
Medical Professional: “He certainly meets the requirements for a sensory-based feeding disorder…”

…a snippet of the mother talking on her cell phone, children seated at the dinner table behind her.
Mother: *sigh* Well, I guess it’s goes well, slowly but surely. He has always refused to eat meat, but he’ll eat a cheeseburger now–ONLY from McDonald’s, and ONLY if we request no pickles and no onions–but it’s something, right?”

…a snippet of a child in tears; a deconstructed cheeseburger is spread across the table.
Mother: “I’m so sorry, Honey. I forgot to tell them no onions. I can take them off, see?”
Child: “No! It’s ruined! No onions!”

…a snippet from earlier that day, of the mother speaking to a drive-thru speaker:
Mother: “Yes, that’s correct. And a cheeseburger Happy Meal please, NO pickles and NO onions on the burger.”
Static Voice: “And a cheeseburger Happy Meal with no pickles and onions.”

The camera zooms into the drive-thru speaker until it is a small black speck, then zooms out again; this time the black speck is the mother’s pupal. Scene returns to full-color as the camera continues to zoom out so we see the mother’s reaction unfolding on her face in slow motion.

Mother: *sigh of relief, body relaxes, shoulders drop*

Mother: (To Husband) “It should be fine. I double-checked.” *slight, reassuring smile*

Father: (To 9 Year Old) “It’s ok, Buddy. No pickles and no onion, just how you like it.”

9 Year Old: *breathing heavily* “I-I-I’m worried!”

9 Year Old peels back the bun and cheese to examine the meat patty of his burger. He scratches it, presumably looking for onion skin. Music intensifies.

9 Year Old: “I-I-I think… I think…”

Father: (To 9 Year Old) “Think what, Buddy? It’s fine.”

Sound of an increasing heartrate becomes louder and louder.

9 Year Old: “I think… I think…” *visibly begins to hyperventilate*

Heartbeat and music crescendo, then stop. Dead silence.

9 Year Old: “I think this cheeseburger is made of…

…MEAT!”

And that’s the story of how we lost our son’s only meat protein. Thank God for dairy.
Tune in next time for more intense situations and startling revelations on: Blog & Disorder.

P.S. I have no connection to the show Law & Order or McDonald’s restaurants. That said, we still have one kid who really likes chicken nuggets, so if someone from McDonald’s sees this and wants to hook us up…

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