Anything But Autism

Not long ago, I was participating in some online discussions about a show that I enjoy. Just having fun, enjoying the inside jokes and memes, and smiling at all the fan theories.

Eventually, I decided to offer a fan theory of my own: that one of the characters is neurodivergent: likely AuDHD (autistic and ADHD combined).

Basically, I did a mini-version of an Anne of Green Gables, Mr. Darcy, or Lizzie Bennet post.

I pointed out several qualities that could point to this character being AuDHD, including many of the things that make her a fan-favourite. This character is smart, insightful, passionate, has a strong sense of justice, sticks to her convictions, is fiercely loyal, and wickedly funny, to name just a few of her amazing qualities.

I also pointed out some of her struggles: being very upset by change, being awkward when others are expressing big emotions, being uncomfortable in her clothing when she’s expected to dress up, not understanding other people’s points of view, slouchy posture, being terrified of rejection/being left behind.

Of course, anyone can have a few of these traits without being AuDHD, but when I look at all of them showing up at once in one person, and take into account how well I relate to her (as an ADHD-er and pending autistic myself), AuDHD just seems to fit.

 Here are some of the comments I got in reply:

• “She is a completely normal girl.”
• “No, she’s like that because she’s a lesbian. She’s in love with [female character].”
• “She’s just an introvert.”
• “I think she’s just a Gemini.”

Fair enough. We are noticing different things and have different theories. But then, some of the comments got mean:

• “I think she’s just a bit douchy.”
• “She’s b*tchy and judgmental.”
• “She’s a young, spoiled rich girl.”
• “Oh, so we are excusing all bad behavior these days by calling it autism?”

Anything but autism. It reminded me of a post I wrote last year about labels.

I Don’t Want to Label Them

People are so quick to label others all sorts of cruel and unkind things, yet get very weirded out and defensive over a completely benign label like autism or ADHD. It baffles me, honestly.

Today’s post is just a quick PSA:

• Autism is not a dirty word.

• ADHD is not a dirty word.

• Neurodivergent is not a dirty word.

• Disabled is not a dirty word.

There is no need to be afraid of these words. They are describing words, not slurs.

The fictional character we were talking about that day will never see this forum discussion about herself, or see the cruel ways some people describe her, but real-life people will. Some of these real-life people will be autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, neurodivergent, or disabled. Some of these real-life people will be the friends or family members of the people who posted, and see what their loved ones really think of disabled people just like them. Some of them will choose to stay silent about their struggles, or put off seeking help because they can see how they’ll be treated if they speak up. 

It’s time to do better, Friends. If the words “neurodivergent” or “disabled” make you uncomfortable, I want to encourage you to read, research, or look for social media accounts to follow. Learn and get comfortable. Because the medical labels people go by are far nicer than the ones given out of discomfort and ignorance.

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