Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew (3rd Edition)

Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew (THIRD EDITION)
by Ellen Notbohm
Non-Fiction

I remember the day I received my son’s diagnosis. Even though it was expected, and I was mentally/emotionally prepared for the news, I still couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed by what this new diagnosis meant, and thinking, “So, is there a pamphlet or something?”

This book is the closest I’ve found to a good pamphlet. It’s short, reasurring, and helps you start on the right foot.

Ten Things is a heartfelt book written by an autism parent. Each chapter begins as if it has been written by your autistic child, asking you to please listen to what they need to tell you. After each letter, is a longer, technical explanation of the 10 different things, which includes research and quotes from famous figures on the spectrum. It is a great introduction to autism, and I believe it provides readers with a solid foundation of understanding on which to build empathy and inclusion.

Here are the 10 Things:

1. I am a whole child.
2. My senses are out of sync.
3. See the difference between won’t (I choose not to) and can’t (I’m not able to).
4. I’m a concrete thinker. I interpret language literally.
5. Listen to all the ways I’m trying to communicate.
6. Picture this! I’m visually oriented.
7. Focus and build on what I can do rather than on what I can’t do.
8. Help me be social.
9. Identify what triggers my meltdowns.
10. Love me without “if.”

This book is a short, easy read at only 148 pages. It’s the perfect book for grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others, who want to better understand the newly-diagnosed child in their family or community.

It’s also a great first book for parents. It hits all the “majors,” giving you a quick overview of what autism is, answering some of the most urgent questions, and identifying some of the most common characteristics of autism. I sure would have appreciated it on Day One!

Two “notes” I have on this book are:

1. It does use a bit of outdated terminology. For example, it uses the term “Asperger’s Syndrome,” which is no longer used in diagnosis. However, this is a small issue that may very well get updated in a later edition of the book. I don’t believe it takes away from the overall message at all.

2. The author prefers to use Person-First language. Individuals who prefer Identity-First language may find this hurtful or offensive. If you are new to the world of autism, you may not have a preference yet, so once again, I don’t believe this takes too much away from the message of the book, or disqualifies it as a a solid read for family members. However, this is something to be aware of if this is a sensitive topic for you.

If you aren’t familiar with Person-First vs. Identity-First language, you can check out my previous post, Autism: What’s in a Name? As I explained in that post, Person-First language sounds like, “My son has autism.” While, Identity-First language sounds like, “My son is autistic.” Many autistic people have a preference, so when in doubt, just ask them what they prefer! The author, Ellen Notbohm, uses Person-First because it is closest to what her adult son on the spectrum prefers, so even though I tend to lean toward Identity-First myself, I absolutely respect her decision, because she’s choosing her words from a place of respect herself.

This book gets a thumbs up from me. It’s easy to read, and can help you feel “up to speed” quickly. Also, this book is the origin of one of my favourite quotes about autism: “All behavior is communication.” When parenting a child who may have limited verbal skills, it is so valuable to remember that they ARE communicating with you, every moment. If you watch and “listen” closely with love, you will see what overwhelms them, and what brings them joy. Your child can tell you so much without saying a word.

All behavior is communication.

Ellen Notbohm

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