(Satire) 10 Tips for Extroverts

As an introvert, one of my pet peeves is all those women’s magazine articles full of tips and tricks on how to seem more extroverted. It’s as if some people consider introversion to be some sort of character flaw that must be overcome, so they treat introverts like failed extroverts who just have to get their act together.

Apparently, I’m not the only one who feels this way, because I keep seeing this meme pop up everywhere:

Well, ask and you shall receive! Here is possibly the first-ever article for extroverts to help them overcome their flawed extroverted tendencies and allow them to blend in better with the introverts in the room. Enjoy!

Extroverted?
Here are Ten Tips for Learning How to Shut the Heck Up.

1. Plan conversation stoppers ahead of time. It can be intimidating to be in a room of content introverted people, and suppress your urges to fill the silence. That’s why, we recommend memorizing a few conversations stoppers before events to prevent things from getting out of hand. Some great ones to start with, are:
   
   “Well, I can see you’re busy, so I won’t keep you.”
   
   “But that’s enough of that. I’ll leave you to enjoy this beautiful day.”
   
   “Welp, I’ll leave you to it!”
   
   
2. Remember body language is important. It’s hard for an introvert to stop speaking to you, if your body language still shows that you are open and eager for conversation. Try these subtle signals to let the room of introverts know that you are ready to participate in the silence:
   
   When walking into a room, keep your gaze downward, or on a non-human object nearby. This lack of eye contact will signal that you are ready to stay disengaged.
   
   Keep your hands in your pockets. You want to appear unapproachable, and big gestures are clear sign to introverts that you want nothing to do with their silent time.
   
   While using one of the conversation stoppers above, take a small step backwards, allowing your body to convey the message that you are moving away from the conversation.
   
   
3. Participate. When you enter a room where there is a noticeable silence already in progress, don’t stay on the sidelines! Invite yourself into the silence by finding a seat with a view, or opening a book. It is handy to bring a book with you when you know there will be introverts present. This discrete tool will help you maintain your silence when your instinctual urge to be loud kicks in.
   
   
4. When at all possible, leave your comfort zone of replying to questions with just words, and give gestures a try. Go for a slight nod of the head instead. If you are feeling brave, a quick thumb’s up is an advanced way of communicating to an introvert that you have heard and understand their request, and it will be accomplished. Silence-seeking introverts appreciate silent acknowledgement. Without it, how can they be truly sure that you are listening?
   
   
5. Worried that you seem awkward when you keep quiet? Try filming yourself at home and practicing common introvert gestures and mouth-closing techniques for the camera. Practice makes perfect! Try this before every job interview with an introverted boss. You’ll need to be able to show him or her that you are confident participating in the introverted culture of that company.
   
   
6. Try to befriend an introverted co-worker. The value of placing yourself near a well-known introvert cannot be underestimated. You will become involved in far more periods of silence with an introvert by your side, than you could ever initiate alone. This allows you to stay in the loop with the introverts without the pressure of creating a whole new silence all by yourself.
   
   
7. Learn how to manage your own expectations. Overcoming extroversion is a huge undertaking that cannot happen overnight. Prepare yourself for feeling like a failure, or not feeling entirely part of the group, especially at the beginning. This is part of the journey. A tough skin will get you through it.
   
   
8. Play to your strengths. Not everyone can be as successful as the top introverts who spend their days thinking of new and innovative designs, or who creatively problem-solve all the company’s issues quietly behind their own desks. If you are not a natural introvert and cannot contribute to these vital functions, don’t be ashamed! There may be a place for you as company spokesperson. Someone has to be the loudmouth in support of the real geniuses. Many extroverts find genuine fulfilment in these lesser roles, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of!
   
   
9. Don’t overexpose yourself to draining situations. We understand just how hard it can be to be an extrovert in an introvert’s world. Remember to practice self-care! Sometimes it’s ok to excuse yourself from optional work functions where you will be expected to be quiet. Graciously RSVP “No,” and spend that time doing something that recharges you as an extrovert. Go make TikTock videos, or howl at the moon or something until you feel rested enough to rejoin the work culture. Don’t worry about missing out on valuable networking opportunities with fellow employees while you’re gone. It’s not like your future advancement is on the line, or anything.
   
   
10.  And finally, know that it’s ok to be loud and obnoxious sometimes. We are all just human, after all, and if you are patient enough, the right people will eventually come along who are able to see the value of your extroverted tenancies. Some day, there may even be a world where extroverts are appreciated almost as much as introverts, so don’t lose hope! By applying all the tips and tricks above, you are bound to find your place among the introverts in no time! You go, Girlfriend!

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