When “I’m Just Tired” Signals Danger | Suicide Prevention Month

Today’s post comes with a Content Warning: Suicidal Thoughts

Please be aware that I am not a doctor or therapist. My post today comes from lived experience. Please consult a professional for medical advice.

I’d also like to make clear that I am currently safe and in a good place. If you are not in a good place with your mental health, please tell someone. I love you, and I’m glad you’re still here.

Suicide Hotline USA: 988 | USA Website: 988lifeline.org
Suicide Hotline Canada: 988 | Canadian Website: 988.ca

The Most Dangerous Words I Ever Say

They don’t sound like much, but these three little words are my personal “tell” when the suicidal thoughts are winning. These three little words mean I’m in danger.

The three most dangerous words I ever say are: I’m just tired.

We’re all tired, of course. Which is what makes these words so deadly. They fly under the radar and go completely missed.

Notice that the phrase is, “I’m just tired,” not:
“I’m so tired because I stayed up way too late studying.”
“The baby kept me up all night, I’m exhausted.”
“I’m beat. This month of back-to-back appointments has really gotten to me.”

We’re all tired sometimes. Hell, we’re all tired all the time. It seems to be the defining characteristic of being an adult. So what makes this “tired” different?

It’s the lack of explanation. The lack of reason. And the lack of hope.

Perhaps you’ve been here with a loved one before. They’ve been different. Withdrawn. Quiet. They’ve been staring into space, or not really present. Perhaps you’ve tried to ask them if something is wrong, and they’ve simply looked at you with dead eyes and said,

“I’m just tired.”

This is the tired I’m talking about. A tired that is devoid of emotion. This is a deadly tired.

Each person may mean something a little different when they say, “I’m just tired,” but here is what it means when I say it. It is my sincerest hope that my readers may one day recognize this phrase for what it means in another person. I’m hoping that you save a life.

What “I’m Just Tired” Means

I’m just tired means…
I’m tired of showering.
I’m tired of brushing my hair.
I’m tired of caring for a body that I don’t even want.

I’m just tired means…
I’m tired of cooking. Of choosing what to eat.
I’m tired of eating. And the effort it takes
To sustain a body that’s just going to die anyway.

I’m just tired means…
I’m tired of resting.
I’m tired of sleeping.
I’m tired of being a kind of tired that rest doesn’t fix.

I’m just tired means…
I’m tired of smiling and laughing.
I’m tired of pretending.
I’m tired of “fake it till you make it,”
Because I’ve been faking it for far too long.

I’m just tired means…
I’m tired of asking for help.
I’m tired of the confused looks,
And the skeptical ones.
I’m tired of everyone choosing not to believe me.

I’m just tired means…
I’m tired of how tired my friends are.
Of there never being a good time to break down
Or lean on them, because they’re all tired too.
I’m tired of a life with no one to turn to.

I’m just tired means…
I’m tired of feeling nothing, of floating in a void.
I’m tired of the nostalgic longing I have for my darkest emotions.
Tired of the knowledge that feeling nothing at all is worse.
I’m tired of being unable to feel, no matter how hard I try.

I’m just tired means…
I’m tired of living.
And tired of dying slowly.

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