Confession: I hate going to the dentist. It’s not because I’ve had a particularly traumatic experience in the past, because I haven’t. It’s not because I’m afraid of the dentist either, because I’m not. I just… hate it. In fact, I hate it so much, that I quit going for several years, and had to ease myself back into it.
Over the years I’ve gained some language to help me describe why going to the dentist is such a struggle. It all boils down to sensory sensitivities.
I find holding my jaw open so long really hurts. I hate the taste of latex gloves in my mouth. I hate the gritty feeling of tooth polish. I hate the taste of blood. I get a headrush from being tilted backwards for so long. X-rays hurt like hell. The office is always cold. The office always smells like disinfectant. The hygienists always chatter so much that I feel obligated to be social back.
The result, is that I always leave a cleaning feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, with a pounding headache, clammy palms, and my fitness watch congratulating me on my “workout” because my heart is racing.
My son struggles with the dentist too. He is autistic. All of the sensory sensitivities I experience are dialed up to 10 for him. He also struggles with new and unknown situations. With strangers touching him. With the extra effort it takes to hold himself together, when all of these things are telling him to run away to safety.
I cannot tell you just how stressed I was about taking him to the dentist for the first time. We put it off for longer than most families, because all I could think of is all the things that could go wrong.
But when I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer, I decided to leave very little to chance. I researched children’s dentists, reading every review I could find. I chose one that was a 2-hour drive away, because I knew the drive would be worth it if they were good to my kid. I thought ahead and planned every accommodation I could think of. I prepared him the best I could. I prepared the office by letting them know that he was autistic, and communicating the expectations I had, (the most important of which, was that we would stop at any time I believed we needed to). Then, we took it very slow.
At my son’s first appointment, all we accomplished was getting him comfortably situated in the chair, and letting a hygienist count his teeth. Then, we celebrated!
We gradually built up more examining and cleaning over time. The polishing brush didn’t happen right away. Neither did x-rays. Those took a couple years! The dentist allowed him to watch his brother’s x-rays a couple times, and even let him push the button on the wall to take his brother’s x-rays, before suggesting that he take a turn getting his own done.
The key has always been letting my son lead, allowing him to feel safe. I am so incredibly thankful for the children’s dentists and hygienists who respect my child. When he says “no” or “wait,” they immediately go hands-off. They give him a moment to collect himself, and don’t pressure him to get back to work. Usually, my son will take a breath, or adjust his position, then tell they he is ready for them. He knows he can do this because he trusts that the staff will listen to him. They’ve proven to him that his is safe in their care.
13 Ways to Accommodate Yourself or Your Child at the Dentist
- Shop Around
More and more dental professionals are becoming aware of their patient’s histories and fears with dentistry, and are taking them into consideration. There is nothing wrong with contacting several dentist offices, and asking about how they handle timid patients. Also, if you are looking for your child, consider dentistry practices that only serve children. These offices tend to have more child-friendly décor, and the staff have usually had much more experience with autistic or sensory-sensitive kids. - Ask About Your Sedation Options
Ask ahead about sedation and pain relief. I know that dental insurance is a privilege, and that pain options are very expensive. However, if these options are the only way you or your child are able to survive an appointment, then they are non-negotiable. Going to the dentist less frequently due to the cost, is better than never going at all due to the pain or fear. Some is better than none. - Build a Rapport
In addition to choosing your dentist, many offices now let you choose your hygienist as well. If you found someone particularly gentle or accommodating, you can request them for your next appointment. Having a safe and familiar face can really help! - Wear Sunglasses
If the overhead light irritates your eyes and/or gives you splitting headache, try wearing sunglasses to your next cleaning. Some offices have started offering glasses for this very reason. You aren’t the only one who struggles with the bright light. - Wear Headphones
Some offices now offer ceiling-mounted TVs as a distraction, however these usually play their sound into the room, along with all the other noises. You might find that you prefer your own noise-cancelling headphones to drown out the sounds. Listening to your own music or podcasts can also be a helpful distraction that keeps you/your child calm, because they are familiar and comforting. - Bring Fidgets
Playing with a fidget or sensory toy at waist-level while you’re in the chair won’t impede the dentist or hygienist at all. There’s no reason to “white-knuckle” through, if keeping your hands busy would help keep your mind off the word being done. - Bring a Weighted Blanket
A small weighted blanket, lap pad, or weighted stuffed animal can be very soothing. Did you forget yours at home? Ask if you can wear one of the x-ray vests during your appointment. - Dress for Success
There’s no reason to look a certain way for medical professionals. They are there for your teeth, not your outfit, makeup, or hairdo. If dressing down or dressing cozy keeps you calm, or reduces the sensory input, do it! Also consider wearing layers. That way, if the office is too hot or too cold, you can make yourself more comfortable. - Ask About Flavors
If you are sensitive to intense flavors, such as peppermint, ask if there is another flavor of tooth polish or floss that can be used. Many offices now carry a variety of options, including strawberry, cherry, or bubblegum. - Ask for Other Accommodations
If there are things that you know would help you through your appointment, don’t be afraid to ask! It is not unreasonable to ask ahead of time if you need a scent-free environment, or if you would like the music shut off in your exam room. It’s also perfectly fine to tell your practitioner that you are nervous and would prefer minimal talking, or more talking to distract yourself. Many professionals want to put their patients at ease, and are happy to make these accommodations. - Some is Better than None
Maybe you cannot handle the sound and intensity of the polishing brush, but having your teeth cleaned by hand is tolerable. You are allowed to refuse certain treatments that are painful or unbearable for you/your child. It is also ok to start small, and gradually build up to more time in the chair over several appointments. - Be Prepared
I always bring a water bottle for extra rinsing, and some Tylenol for that inevitable “after” headache that I always get. For the kids, I bring favorite toys or books to calm down with. Having these items ready in the car, makes it a safe place to recover and take a breath. We often sit in the parking lot for much longer than other people, until we all feel ready to transition to another activity. - Timing Matters
I always schedule my own dentist appointments for first thing in the morning, so I don’t have time to worry and stress in anticipation. I also clear my schedule on dentist days. I do the appointment, then allow plenty of downtime to rest and recover from the social and sensory effort. Taking the afternoon to nap, read a book under a weighted blanket, or watch a comfort show, is essential after-care that helps calm my nervous system, and reduces the buildup of negative feelings that might hinder me from going to my next appointment.
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