Shame Must Change Sides

Content Warning: Sexual Assault and Rape.

Today’s post is in honor of the USA’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month (April) and Canada’s Sexual Violence Prevention Month (May).

The Government of Canada reports that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 10 men experience sexual violence in Canada. Minorities, including people with disabilities, are at high risk.

Today I want to share Gisele Pelicot’s story. I followed it online with a great deal of hope, and a very heavy heart in the Fall of 2024. Gisele is known all over Europe as a survivor and a hero, and I want her name to become just as famous in Canada. Her message on shame is far overdue in our world.

Once again, this story comes with a Content Warning for discussing sexual assault and rape. Please skip today and come back next Friday if this is a topic you need to abstain from reading about for your own mental health.

Gisele Pelicot’s Story:

Here is my own summary of Gisele Pelicot’s story. I will include links to other articles below.

In her late-sixties, Gisele Pelicot had serious concerts about her health. She was sleeping too much, had gaps in her memory, and was even losing her hair. She worried that she might have Alzheimer’s or a brain tumor, and went to doctor after doctor with no diagnosis. Her husband Dominique was the picture of devotion. He attended every appointment with her, and told her physicians that he was worried about her stress levels. He thought she was wearing herself out by taking care of their grandchildren too often.

September 2020 finally brought Gisele the answer she’d been searching for. The truth was worse than anyone could have imagined.

On a typical day in September, a grocery store security guard noticed Gisele’s husband taking upskirt videos of women in the store. The guard alerted the authorities, and Dominique Pelicot was arrested. As a result of this arrest, all of his electronic devices were searched.

At the police station, officers had a very sensitive question for Gisele. Did she and her husband ever participate in swinging, wife-swapping, or threesomes?

When her answer was a swift and definite “no,” the officers had to tell her the worst news imaginable. Her husband’s files contained videos of her being raped by multiple different men.

It was discovered that Dominique had been drugging Gisele, raping her, inviting other men to rape her, and filming it all, over a period of nine years. The videos documented 92 rapes committed by 72 different men.

Gisele’s health problems could all be explained by the side effects of the drugs she had been given.

Dominique Pelicot was a member of a web forum called à son insu (“without her knowledge”) where users openly discussed drug-facilitated rape. This website has now been linked to over 23,000 reports of criminal activity.

In 2024, Dominique, and 50 of the 72 men who raped Gisele went on trial. (The remaining rapists could not be identified, despite the video evidence.)

The verdict resulted in the maximum sentence of 20 years for Dominique Pelicot, and sentences ranging from 3 years to 15 years for the remaining rapists.

The reason the world knows anything about this case, is because of the courage of Gisele Pelicot.

In France, Gisele had the right to complete anonymity. She waived it. She also had the right to request that the video evidence not be shown in open court. She waived this right as well.

“It is not for us (victims) to have shame,” she is famously quoted. “It’s for them. Shame must change sides.”

Gisele also chose to go by her married surname, “Pelicot” during the trial, even though she had divorced Dominique before the proceedings. She did this for her children and grandchildren who still carry the name “Pelicot.” She said that she wanted them to be proud of their name, and associate it with bravery, instead of being ashamed of their name because of their father/grandfather’s crimes.

Gisele’s willingness to have a public trial brought much media attention in France, and the entire world. Every day, the streets by the courthouse filled with women who wanted to show their support. Her case inspired a surge of discussion online, and empowered many other rape survivors to share their stories for the first time. Her case is also shedding light on the sexual assault laws in France, where the definition of “rape” is narrower than it is in North America. Her story is inspiring change at the highest levels.

Women around the globe began showing their support for Gisele by petitioning Time Magazine to name her 2024’s “Person of the Year.” Time responded by making her one of thirteen “Women of the Year.”

2024’s “Person of the Year” was awarded to a known sexual predator.

UPDATE SUMMER 2025

In June 2025, France changed their rape and sexual assault laws to better conform to similar laws in Europe and North America. The French Senate passed a bill that includes lack of consent in their definition of rape. This change was directly influenced by Gisele Pellicot’s case, thanks to the light it shone on drug-facilitated rape.

Gisele Pellicot has been named a Knight of France’s Legion of Honour for her act of bravery in waving her right to anonymity.

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Two Takeaways:

There are two reasons why I chose Gisele Pelicot’s story for my #sexualassaultpreventionmonth post.

1: Because Shame Really Does Need to Change Sides
When I was growing up, I was taught through several sources that rape and sexual assault were the worst things that could happen to a woman. And that, if someone tried to rape me, I should fight to the death.

I was taught that I was better off dead than “defiled.”

The fact that these ideas–fueled by “old-fashioned values” and religious “purity culture”–are still being taught to many young girls today, fills me with white-hot anger.

Shame and victim-blaming needs to end. This culture that shames survivors for being assaulted, and protects the reputations of those committing the assaults, is disgusting. This heinous practice is not in the past, as many people wish to comfortably believe. Between the time that I wrote the first draft of this post, and today, a Belgian medical student who was convicted of rape went unpunished because the judge felt it would negatively affect his career… as a Gynecologist.

It is not our shame to carry. It is theirs. I stand with Gisele Pelicot: Shame must change sides.

2. Because It All Starts With One Person
The world knows about Gisele Pelicot because of her bravery. But let’s not forget what started this entire journey. A grocery store security guard reported her husband for upskirting women.

He could have minded his own business. He could have shrugged it off. He could have thrown her husband out of the store, but not reported the incident to the police.

Without this unnamed security guard, Gisele Pelicot might still be going to doctor after doctor, wondering why she has gaps in her memory.

Sometimes, all it takes is one person saying something to save a life. Sometimes, all it takes is one person saying something to change the world.

I’m asking you to be that person. Today, during sexual violence prevention month, and every day.

Credits:
Post Featured Image: © Christophe Simon
Time Magazine: https://time.com/7216401/gisele-pelicot-rape-case/
Time Magazine: https://time.com/7221418/how-we-chose-2025-women-of-the-year/
The Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/oct/12/coco-website-pelicot-rape-trial
Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapes_of_Gis%C3%A8le_Pelicot
The Brussels Times: https://www.brusselstimes.com/1518910/leuven-public-prosecutor-appeals-verdict-of-medical-student-rape-case

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